Stories of JOY – Nikki Viveca for Aromantic Awareness Week



The following is a personal account of aromanticism and asexuality from Performance Artist, Nikki Viveca (she/her):

“I talk a lot about being asexual in my art and less about my romantic orientation but being aromantic is a distinct and important aspect of my identity. It’s important to acknowledge that my “eww” reaction to sex is a separate thing to my “nope nope nope” reaction to romance.

I’ve never had much interest in dating: romantic, queer-platonic or otherwise. I can’t even picture how people go about it or understand how anyone has the time. I have had one serious relationship, this was over a decade ago now, and the whole time I was like “you’re great, you’re my favourite person but why are we doing this?”

That was before I came out as transgender, I think I just wanted to spend time with another girl. I wanted a bestie, not a partner. Apart from that I had very little involvement with dating before transition and have had absolutely none since, so it’s like there’s a whole area of life which I just have no experience of.  That can feel awkward sometimes, I’m kind of at an age where being an ingenue starts looking weird, but I wouldn’t actually want any of those experiences. 

I do get crushes sometimes, on people of various genders, but I don’t have any real desire to act on them.  They’re more just an excuse to listen to sad music and write poetry and be dramatic. I like the aesthetics of romance – love songs, erotic poems, rom coms, I have a daggy fondness for all that stuff. More so since I came out actually, I was only really able to enjoy these things once I didn’t feel pressured to personally relate to them.  Actual romance, nuh-uh.  If a crush liked me back, I’d be like “no, please stop, you’re ruining it!”

For me, coming out as aro ace was powerfully liberating. It gave me the confidence in my sense of self to be able to do all the other daunting things I’ve done like transitioning or pursuing a career in the arts.  I could actually commit to being myself and that goes so much farther than romantic life or lack thereof, it extends to all areas of my life.”