JOY Eurovision

17 Apr 2012

Musings – Compère & contrast

It’s no picnic presenting the Eurovision Song Contest.

This time last year I opined about the task and now it is time again !

In essence, the job description hasn’t changed that much since 1956.

You need to be an experienced broadcaster with a touch of glamour, a calm assurance AND a firm grip on the English & French languages as well as your own.

Of late, however, those necessary skills have been trumped by the generic flim-flammery of TV.

Such is progress/change/malarkey.

Back in the early days, the presenting job was given to someone in a lovely frock and the air of a benign schoolma’am.

The host guided you through the night with grace, but was generally overwhelmed by the standard shambles of the finale where the winning chanson’s composer(s) is crowned !

There have been some delicious mélanges of whizz-pans, dropped bouquets, confused looking broadcasting executives and prematurely rolled credits over the years.

And when technology failed, as it did … frequently, it was the gleaming teeth and sharp intellect of the compère which held the whole thing together.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AiI1psvNxhQ]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJpkWhcraT4]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJBUVKi0Feo]

As the dependability of satellite links firmed, so the CVs of the presenter(s) changed – and not always for the better.

The host nation big banana broadcasters, performers or former competitors were rolled out.

It made for some “memorable” moments.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktyejoXb1G8]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FROFk98UepQ]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jisfIVapmMs]

One had become two in the presentation department by the 1990s, and by now a trio is the norm despite the fact that the workload has sharply diminished.

Where once the presenter popped up all the way through, now the hosts come on at the start, disappear for a couple of hours only to return to guide us through the voting process.

So, as the need for a skilled master/mistress of ceremonies has diminished, what have we ended up with ?

Mega awkwardness for the most part.

It’s a simple broadcasting truth that manufactured double and triple acts are strange & difficult beasts.

Without chemistry or rat cunning or honed skills they are doomed to fail.

And when they are working in a non-native language the results can be really, REALLY horrible.

Of late, we have been made to suffer pairings that had seemingly emerged from the most fetid swamp of a linguistic demi-monde.

Eurovision is no place for the ill-prepared shackled to an autocue they can barely comprehend.

And if ad-libbing is attempted, then all bets are off.

We have plumbed the depths a few times and the nadir was probably reached in 2001 in Copenhagen.

Cue “Doctor Death and the Little Mermaid” (Wogan, T.) and their rhyming couplets.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMh2pffICOg]

Terry Wogan had to apologise for his remarks from the BBC commentary box, but he was more than a little on the money.

Fast forward a decade and in 2012 we have a trifecta of presenters which has just been breathlessly announced by the European Broadcasting Union.

Eldar, Leyla and Nargiz to be precise.

To read the press release you would thing ESC 2012 is to be presented by the love-children of Edward R Murrow and Mother Teresa.

In announcing this winsome combo the Newspeak of the EBU knew no bounds.

Take this quotation from Eldar, last year’s winner: “It is a great pride to be the part of the Eurovision Song Contest, and it is an indescribable happiness and pleasure to share the stage moderating the contest to pass the spirit of the show to the millions of people around the world.”

Yeah, I bet he said that.

Then there’s this from Leyla: “The founder of the Eurovision Song Contest, Marcel Bezençon maybe didn’t even know that the contest that was created only for Western Europe will crash the borders and will unite the West and the East. For me, it’s a big honour to be a presenter in this fantastic show and become a part of history that will be written in Baku in May. We will light the fire for Eurovision!”

Absolutely. I heard she was only remarking on that the other day at the fish counter at the supermarket.

And, to be fair, let me quote Nargiz: “I have been following the Eurovision Song Contest for many years.”

Mmmmm.

Quite what “many” means is left to your own imagination.

Detail – meaning fact – is scant in the announcement of our guiding lights for Baku, but they are not to blame.

The broad brush rules in the corridors of power down at the EBU and, I believe, the boss-people have ill-served our youthful trio.

There’s no real acknowledgement of the overriding fact – Eldar, Leyla and Nargiz have a VERY tough gig ahead of them.

It is one of TV’s toughest.

I really, really hope they survive & prosper on May 26th.