JOY Eurovision

15 May 2013

The Wrap: Semi Final 1


The Wrap: Semi Final 1

It’s time for Semi Final 1. And what better way to prepare yourself for the telecast on SBS 1 on Friday night, than to have all the inside info on what to look out for. Party games ready!


Shine, shine, shine. There’s lots of shiny in this one but as for shine? I dunno. Miss Kelly does a good job at belting out the track, but perhaps there should’ve been more in the staging. Something sparkly? A big disco ball? Maybe glitter? All possible options really.

What to look out for: The skin tight metallic pants. It’s what you should be looking for this Spring.


I’m sure there’s a good reason for Birgit going black and white at the start of her song. It could frighten half of Europe though if they think their TV stations have run out of money to televise in colour. But I digress… Birgit really does a good job with this one. She even uses the stage to its fullest with a bit of a catwalk.

What to look out for: Asthmatics gasping for breath in the front after the smoke machines start.


Break out the lasers. Hannah is on with her dubstep masterpiece. And it’s good to see the re-purposing of Kylie’s Can’t Get You out of My Head masks by the back up dancers, keeping in line with Malmö’s sustainability theme. Good ol’ Hannah does a whole lot of catwalking too for good measure. Thankfully she keeps in time with the music.

What to look out for: Aerial acrobatics. Those boys move well.


It feels as though we have been transported into an old school barber shop with the group singing outside. The only difference is that it’s a pop song. And there’s lots of lights. Klapa s mora are wearing their knights outfits, but I do think they missed the opportunity to change the rules and have horses on stage. That would be fun. They wouldn’t be startled in the slightest.

What to look out for: The excellent use of wind machine to make the lads’ tails flap in the breeze. Drink!


And the favourite comes out on stage… with a roar from the crowd. I wonder why? There are drums, pyrotechnics, white dresses and key changes. This, my friends, is what we call a Eurovision Drinking Game Favourite. But it sounds like those other percussiony ones from years ago. It will probably win. I really don’t know why.

What to look out for: The glitter cannons! Welcome to Malmö’s newest gay club! Sorry Austria.

Break time

Petra introduces you to some of the discarded tag lines for the contest. Watch out for the end tag. It’s pretty much true!


Oh sister, reach out indeed! Reach out and grab one of those pretty Ikea lamps… and then hold hands and sway. You know you should be doing it if the back up singers are! Even though it’s pretty shoddy staging, it sounds amazing in the Arena. Certainly one to keep an eye on.

What to look out for: Lighters swaying in the audience


How old are you Zlata? Surely you can walk on to stage by yourself by now. Anyway, once the giant’s out the way, Zlata sings and dances on a great big rock. Obviously such things are the norm in the Ukraine and good on them I say. Thankfully Zlata’s microphone stayed on, unlike previous rehearsals, so there’s a positive here. The stage presence is all very underwhelming after seeing the video. Meh. Good song though.

What to look out for: How long Zlata can stay on the rock without falling over


Anouk said she wanted to do something different. And she did, singing Birds all by herself (or at least that’s what she wanted us to believe, hiding her back up singers in the corner). Considering the staging of other songs, surely there could’ve been some creative use of the rigging above Anouk’s head to help tell the story of the song. Sadly no.

What to look out for: Anouk.


There is no other song that could be so different to Anouk’s. Nina and Who See take command of the stage with a song that you would never consider seeing in Eurovision… except from Montenegro. The smoke jets are a nice touch. And the camera effects make me feel like I’m watching a broadcast from the International Space Station.

What to look out for: Dizzy spells from the camera movements.


Something is something, with pop-rock goodness. At least, that’s what Andrius’ leather jacket tells me. It’s an OK song but not much happening on stage to go with it. That’s as good as it gets for Something. Poor Something.

What to look out for: The amazing facial expressions.


Ah that’s where Austria’s disco ball went! It’s good to see that the Belorussians are pitching for their audience with the staging of Solayoh. One of the party songs for the Contest, it has girls shimmying, boys leaping and shrieks of excitement from the audience. The dancers have nice shoulder pads. I’m impressed with their moves in them actually…

What to look out for: Europeans lighting their cigarettes in the front row.


Miss Moon looks pretty with her bird nest hair do and Victorian-esque collared dress. She also must like dressing her men in white.  Pretty dancing men in white clothes, smoke, smoke, smoke and cool lighting… Actually, is this what Moldovans think heaven looks like?

What to look for: A magical dress, which women all over Europe will be stampeding for.


Hello Ryan. Hello dancers. Hello Europe. There are lots of drums on stage, but unlike others (ahem, Emmelie) it actually sounds a bit different. With a new club hit, the fans in the front are dancing like crazy and the Irish fans are making more noise than they normally do. Ryan’s hit it vocally too, which is far better than some of the earlier rehearsals. If you’re not at least tapping your feet, there’s something wrong.

What to look for: Tattoos, sweat and dancing.

Break time

It’s Julia’s time to shine. Finally, SBS makes Eurovision!


Poor Cyprus. They have no money. And it shows. Such austere staging… can’t even afford an extra light or two. Luckily she can sing, otherwise there would be a problem.

What to look for: That fact there’s nothing.


Roberto pleads with the audience to be part of this song. His eyebrows, hand gestures… it’s all saying join in. The women behind him are a bit of a worry though. You’re just waiting for the rest of the Wiggles crew to jump out to support Henry the Octopus’ European debut. Caution if you have epilepsy. Just close your eyes while this one’s on.

What to look for: A new way to combine karaoke and Eurovision.


There’s a reason why this is a song contest and not an acting one. Singers note: if your song cannot convey the message on its own, then it’s probably not going to work. Having said that, if they would’ve added some pillow fighting to the acting and erotic confident dancing, they might just pull in a great big vote from those men and women who like that sort of thing.

What to look out for: Costumes that would put Strawberry Cupcake to shame.

Of course there’s also the interval act, which is so far beyond words that I cannot think of any to share.

Who was your favourite? Who bombed? Share your comments.


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