JOY BLOG

21 Feb 2022

Stories of JOY – Allison Hore for Aromantic Awareness Week

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We’re celebrating Aromantic Awarness Week, 20th-26th February. We will be sharing a range of stories from members of our community who identify as aromantic or on the aromantic spectrum. The following story is from Allison Hore, an aromantic asexual woman.

Allison’s Story:

When I first the heard the word asexual, outside the context of reproduction in biology class, I was 17. It was in the late 00’s on an online chatroom, a guy used it as an insult towards me after I rejected his romantic advances.

I had been questioning my orientation for a while at this point. I had known for a long time I wasn’t interested in men, but I didn’t really feel drawn to other women either. Truth be told, I felt no attraction to anyone. So when I googled asexuality and found it it was an orientation it immediately resonated with me.

I’m now 30 and identify as aromantic and asexual. That means I feel no romantic or sexual attraction to people of any gender. For me the two identities are intertwined, but many asexual people still experience romantic attraction and many aromantic people still experience sexual attraction.

The asexual umbrella is a diverse community with all different kinds of people who relate to their asexuality differently. It can be confusing at first because we tend to be socialised with a limited framework of understanding attraction- romantic attraction, sexual attraction and sex drive are always considered to be inherently linked. Sure, it is in a lot of cases, but in others it’s not.

When I first came out as asexual and aromantic, a lot of people I know told me it was a phase I would grow out of when I grew up. 13 years later, it’s a lot harder for them to make that argument.

Personally, I’ve never been in any kind of relationship and I’m totally okay with that. Some people might feel I am missing something, but I feel totally fulfilled in life as a single person. I have rich friendships and family relationships, a job I love and plenty of personal time to do the things that I enjoy.

One of the biggest misconceptions about asexuality and aromanticism is that they are lifestyle choices. I choose to be single and I choose to be celibate, but those things are not what define my orientation. Like any other person within the LGBTQIA+ community, who I am attracted to (or not) was not a choice, it’s just a part of who I am.

There are still those who try to tell me I am broken or sick or even ‘heartless and unfeeling’. Some try to convince me I should “just try it” or tell me they think they could be the one to “change me”. But I love myself enough and know myself enough not to let it get to me these days.